Tuesday, December 13, 2011Good morning crew,
Joe, As to your comment in the latest Clean Laughs edition, "So either I need to start making it at home or find a girlfriend with cheaper tastes." No, Joe. I think it means that YOU have to spend a LOT LESS on beer!! THEN, and ONLY THEN will you have more money for the rest of the week! -James The girlfriend said almost the exact same thing to me once. I told her I have a much longer relationship with beer than I do with her.
My relationship with beer is also less expensive than my relationship with her. I didn't tell her that part, though.
I just can't figure out why I'm still not married.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.comP.S.
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***"Everybody has been in a very festive mood. I even saw two strangers splitting a cab. One guy took the tires, one guy took the radio." -David Letterman
***"Schools here in Los Angeles aren't allowing Santa Claus to come into the schools anymore. Not because of religious reasons, but they claim he's wearing gang colors." -Jay Leno
***"A Swedish firm has designed an efficient city featuring buildings on wheels that can be moved in or out of town as desired. This ingenious city of the future is known as a trailer park." -Conan O'Brien
***To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.
"C'mon, Honey. Really, Honey. Honey!" A real man will just sit there and wait for you to step aside. If you don't, eventually he'll say, "What? All right, what? I'm sitting here, okay? I'm listening!"
Another way to get his attention is to fool around with his stereo equipment. Or mess around with the car. Adjusting the timing chain is a good one. If he has a tool pegboard, remove a tool and hide it somewhere special. Within a day he'll notice that it's gone and come right to you. Be prepared though, He will be cranky.
More attention getters: scratch the paint on his car, throw out his favorite sweatshirt, or punch him in the stomach when he's not looking. His expression alone will be priceless.
--Tim Allen
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.
When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.
"I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit perfectly around his neck."