Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Good morning crew,

It has been three weeks since we got back from Las Vegas and I am still not completely recovered; emotionally or fiscally. My wife, on the other hand, is more than recovered.

We were out downtown Saturday night with ol' Mason and his wife, and after dinner as we were sitting around over drinks discussing what to do with the rest of the night, my wife suggested that Rivers Casino was only a 30 minute drive from where we were.

"What are you going to do at a casino?" I asked her, "You don't have any money."

"You do," she answered.

"Well, we could either spend all night in the casino or we could pay next month's mortgage," I reasoned with her. "What would you like to do?"

She paused and said, "Let me think about it for a minute."

We didn't go, but considering the rate at which my condo is losing equity compared to the market we might as well have gone.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film." --Cynthia Levin

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"There's got to be something wrong with people who go to Star Trek conventions. I mean, I like Mary Tyler Moore, too, but I don't rent out a big hall and dress up like Rhoda." --Andy Kindler

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"I'm a grown woman but my father still thinks I know nothing about my car. He always asks me, 'You changing the oil every 3,000 miles?' 'Yes, Dad. I'm also putting sugar in the gas tank. That way my exhaust smells like cotton candy.'" --Mimi Gonzalez

***
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.

"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the test."

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."

One final student rose up and opted out of the final.

The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourselves," he said. "You all get 'A's."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out.

"Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."