Monday, July 7, 2014

Good morning crew,

It was a near thing, but I survived the weekend. And it wasn't just the near-fatal schedule of partying, I was almost detonated by a firework!

But maybe I will tell that story later, I am still a little traumatized by the whole event.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Over the weekend Starbucks announced a new program that will pay employees to take online classes at Arizona State. Said Starbucks employees, 'We already went there. That's why we work at Starbucks.'" -Seth Meyers

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"At the World Cup, the U.S. team defied all expectations. They took the dreaded Belgium into overtime. Unfortunately Belgium won it. It's hard to lose to a nation of pacifist chocolatiers." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"According to a new poll, 67 percent of television viewers say that they are sick of reality TV shows. The other 33 percent are currently on a reality TV show." --Conan O'Brien

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My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals.

Tired of it after several months, I said, "I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch."

"Fair enough. From now on I'll make my own," he replied.

A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him afterwards.

"We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like," he suggested.

I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order.

My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, "Separate checks, please..."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.

Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.