Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Good morning crew,

Wow. I actually received TWO complaints that I have used the "mixed metaphors" piece in Clean Laffs multiple times recently. I admit that the joke is one of my favorites, and probably I unconsciously copy-and-paste it whenever I see it, but it is a hazard of the trade that after so many years the jokes start to get repeated.

So I am putting the challenge on you! Send me your freshest jokes for publication in Clean Laffs. They don't even have to be jokes, either. They can be personal stories or funny anecdotes, just as long as they don't run more than a few paragraphs.

I'd love to hear your stories.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!

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"A new study found that eating healthy adds $380 to your grocery bill every year. Or as Americans put it, 'Cool, I saved $380 this year!'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"Food addicts are the people I feel sorriest for because that's really hard. You need to eat. You don't need to do drugs. Very hard for these people to quit. "I'm going cold turkey... mmmmm turkey. Do not think about food... do not think about food... do not... nuts..." -Craig Ferguson

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"Researchers at Harvard say red wine can slow the aging process. They say if you drink red wine, it can help you look younger. And you can look even younger if you get the other person to drink it." -Jay Leno

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On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt.

Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled up on the floor as though he were ill. She said, "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm gonna have a wife!"