Monday, February 22, 2016

Good morning crew,

With surprising speed my cold has hit phase 2 and settled in my chest, turning into a bubbling, hacking cough. It now hurts to breathe.

And to share the love with the people who probably made me sick in the first place I made sure to come into the office today.

The one I feel bad for is the poor wife. She is the one who has to live with me. Although she inconspicuously managed to spend as much time out of the house this weekend as she possibly could. Not that I blame her. If she were the one hacking up virulent pathogens all over the house I would probably find excuses to hang out at the bars too.

But she did thoughtfully leave me all of the laundry to do lest I grow bored with sitting on the sofa and breathing steam while trying to see if my lungs will actually fit through my esophagus.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"I admit that I get angry in traffic when driving to work. But it's pointless. It's much better to bottle up that anger and then unleash it when you get to work." -Craig Ferguson

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"A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by then." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway." -Jimmy Kimmel

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A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things."

The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'"

The first woman asked, "Did it help?"

Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Some of my friends started a company built around an innovative idea for an online business. A debate broke out about what to name the venture. "We have to call it Imagination," one passionate participant cried out.

Everyone thought the idea over for a minute, and then a voice of reason replied, "Are you sure you want your business card to read 'Imagination, Limited'?"