Friday, March 27, 2015

Good morning crew,

I am a victim of domestic abuse. Last night the dog started barking in the middle of the night again, and I heard the wife hiss, "Mini! Quiet down."

So I said, "You better get up and check for leaks."

She punched me.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new study has found that 70 minutes of math and science homework per night is best for teenage students. Said teenage students, 'What? That's, like, two hours!'" -Seth Meyers

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"A new article states that millennials have terrible conversational skills. When asked for comment, millennials texted a series of crying frowny faces." -Conan O'Brien

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"Yesterday presidential candidate Ted Cruz said that he will in fact be signing up for Obamacare despite saying earlier that he wants to repeal every word of it. It's a good thing he's signing up, because Cruz just went to the hospital in hypocritical condition." -Jimmy Fallon

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Two policemen call the station on their radio.

"This is Unit 12...we need to talk to the Sarge."

"This is the shift supervisor, go ahead."

"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband for walking on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested her?"

"No sir. The floor is still wet."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?" There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely,

"He's the one you can move diagonally."