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Clean Laffs - Hey! I know my history.
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Wednesday, July 6, 2016
Good morning crew,
What is this Four Men and a Country? Who are the other 3? I assume you meant fore fathers, as in those who have been before us.
Hey! I graduated high school. I know what I'm talking about. I meant our country's four fathers. There was George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and James Madison. Everybody else was uncles.
And for those of you who are interested in the original quote, it comes from an undated letter Franklin wrote to a French associate:
"We hear of the conversion of water into wine at the marriage in Cana, as of a miracle. But this conversion is, through the goodness of God, made every day before our eyes. Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, and which incorporates itself with the grapes to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy!"
Like I mentioned earlier, it rolls off the tongue better when it's about beer.
Laugh it up,
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"Fourth of July, of course, is when we celebrate our breaking away from England. And after Brexit last month, it's starting to seem like England can't keep a relationship going." -Conan O'Brien
"Police in Georgia are looking for people who stole 400,000 toothpicks from a warehouse. Fortunately, one of the suspects has a clear alibi a tiny piece of spinach in his teeth." -Jimmy Fallon
"Researchers at the Center for Tobacco Control at Scotland University are working on an invention: Talking packs of cigarettes that warn smokers about the side effects of tobacco. I don't know; that actually might make me START smoking." -Jimmy Kimmel
Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time.
"Nonsense," I said, inconsolable. "Men are good for only one thing!"
"Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?"
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..."
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord."
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