Monday, July 11, 2011

Good morning crew,

The wedding this weekend was a blessedly uneventful affair. No one fainted during the vows, no one got up and screamed dramatically that they had an objection to the union, and the comments were mercifully short.

However I am always amused at the creative ways ministers try to get their points across at wedding ceremonies. This time the preacher presented the couple with a box of crayons and told them how the different colors represented different aspects of their lives together.

Blue is the color of peace and tranquility, which he prayed their lives would be blessed with. Purple is the color of royalty, because they would feel like a king and queen now that they had each other's love. Green is the color that means "go" on a traffic light, etc...

I guess it was more clever than a lot of little wedding sermons I have heard over the years, but as he plowed through red, yellow, green, brown, and so on I started to check my watch.

Leaning over to the girlfriend sitting next to me I said, "Thank God he didn't give them the 64-Piece Rainbow carton, or we'd be here all night."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Democrats warned that if the debt ceiling isn't raised, the government would cease to function. How would you be able to tell?" -Jay Leno

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"They say that if you break a mirror, you get seven years of bad luck. I broke a mirror once and all I got was seven stitches." -Craig Ferguson

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"Former President George W. Bush is going to India tomorrow to give a speech. The speech will be entitled, 'Which of You Snake-Charmers Is Gonna Fix My Computer?'" -Conan O'Brien

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Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver's license.

"Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired.

"No," I replied.

"Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A woman walked into my father's carpet store. She'd just moved out of her parents' home and needed something for her new living-room floor. "Do you know how big the room is?" Dad asked.

"Yes," she said. "It's 22 flip-flops long by 18 flip-flops wide...and I wear a size 8."