Monday, October 1, 2014

Good morning crew,

Welcome to October, folks. After a nice, warm week it looks like the temperature is going back down, which is fine with me as long as it doesn't go below freezing. I am conducting a little experiment on my front lawn.

You see, there is a giant evergreen in the middle of my front lawn, and whether it is because the tree is blocking most of the sunlight or because it is sucking all of the nutrients out of the soil (or both), the front lawn is extremely patchy.

Being the border-line genius agriculturalist that I am, last week I went to the home improvement store and bought 200 pounds of fertilized top soil, a rake and a bag of grass seed specially engineered to grow in shade (according to the bag anyway).

Four hours of raking later I had covered most of the lawn with a thin layer of fresh topsoil and seeded it as evenly as I could.

The bag says I am supposed to see grass sprouting in seven to ten days. Today makes 8 days and I haven't seen a single blade of grass. I don't think I am doing anything wrong. The formula is not that complicated; soil, seeds, water and sunlight. But if something doesn't start to happen soon I am going to feel like a real dumbass.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"It's National Coffee Day today. Legend has it that coffee was discovered in the sixth century by an Ethiopian goat herder. He built a stand out of branches from an olive tree and started charging the goats $6 a cup for them. And the rest is history." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton. Over the weekend, she gave birth to a baby girl. The baby girl will not confirm or deny whether she's running in 2056." -Dave Letterman

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"George Clooney got married in Italy. His bachelor party was held over the course of the last 30 years." -Conan O'Brien

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Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you do if I die before you do?" Dad asked Mom.

After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.

Then Mom asked Dad, "What will you do if I die first?"

He replied, "Probably the same thing."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post

Thou Shalt Not Steal,
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,
and Thou Shall Not Lie

in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment.