Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Good morning crew,

Payday today. I'm not particularly excited about it because I won't be seeing much of it. All of the manic spending I have been doing over the last month on gardening supplies, power tools, truck and appliance repairs, Halloween decorations, etc... has gone on the credit card.

Six weeks ago I almost had it paid off, now I'm afraid to even guess what my balance is. So I am going to have to set aside a good bit of today's paycheck for when the bill comes at the end of the month, which won't leave me much for entertainment.

Well, that's what I bought the house for, so I can entertain myself by sitting in it and wondering how the hell I am going to pay for it.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Bookmakers have listed Pope Francis as the odds-on favorite to win the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize. So if you're placing a bet on the results of the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize...you have a gambling problem." -Seth Meyers

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"Vladimir Putin was nominated but did not win the Nobel Peace Prize. Earlier today he said, 'Who do I have to kill to win a Nobel Peace Prize?'" Dave Letterman

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"Runners from Kenya came in first, second, and third in the Chicago Marathon yesterday. Even crazier, all three runners turned out to be one dude lapping everyone." -Jimmy Fallon

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My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was.

As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, just tell me what state it's in."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know, Sister? Have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will know"

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "... and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that drunk Nun again is it?"