Monday, February 23, 2015

Good morning crew,

Wow, do tournaments really take it out of me! If you think competing in a tournament is tiring and stressful you should try working for one; eight hours of chasing little kids around while they all yell and scream like maniacs.

Not good for one's head.

On the plus side, I didn't do anything too stupid or cause any little kids irreparable emotional or psychological damage...I don't think.

Anyone who works with little kids knows you have to be careful with them. They take a lot of things very personally that adults or even teens would brush off.

A lesson that was brought home while I was refereeing the forms competition. Refereeing involves the mechanics of performing forms like lining the kids up and yelling 'start' and 'stop' while the actual judging is done by other black belts.

Another job of the referee is announcing who won and who lost. This is done by holding your hand over the head of the competitor the judges have indicated and announcing 'winner!'

Unfortunately, this is also a very public admission of the other competitor as the loser. One little girl of about five or six just couldn't handle it. As soon as she sat down after losing her competition the lower lip started trembling and the tears started flowing.

You would have thought I had personally stood over her and yelled, "Have a seat, loser!" from the way she handled it.

It didn't do much for my ego. I felt like a real monster for a little while, but unlike 5-year-old girls I bounce back pretty fast.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Kids? It's like living with homeless people. They're cute but they just chase you around all day long going, 'Can I have a dollar? I'm missing a shoe! I need a ride!'" --Kathleen Madigan

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"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." -Douglas Adams

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"When you're a parent you're a prisoner of war. You can't go anywhere without paying someone to come and look after your kids. In the old days, babysitters were paid about 50 cents an hour, and they'd steam clean the carpet and detail your car. Now they've got their own union. I couldn't afford it, so I asked my mother to come over. The sitters called her a scab and beat her up on the front lawn." -Robert G. Lee

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I returned to my parents' home to attend a funeral. At the temple, my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely familiar. "Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?" she asked as she left me in his company.

I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came to me. He was the kind man who, five years earlier, had officiated at my grandmother's funeral. "It's good to see you again, Rabbi," I said. "Though I wish it weren't always under such tragic circumstances."

The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of consolation before he was called away. A few minutes later, I rejoined my mother.

"Imagine," she whispered, "after all this time, to run into the rabbi who performed your wedding!"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
New to town, I was eager to meet people and make friends. So one day I struck up a conversation with the only other woman in the gym. Pointing to two men playing racquetball in a nearby court, I said to her, "There's my husband." Then I added, "The thin one--not the fat one."

After a slightly uncomfortable silence she replied, "And that's my husband - the fat one."