Monday, November 2, 2015

Good morning crew,

Welcome to November, folks. Personally, I'm glad it's Monday and I'm back at work. I took a few days off last week because a) I wanted to get ready for Halloween, and 2) if I didn't take the vacation days before November I would have lost them.

As far as my big Halloween preparations were concerned it ended up being kind of a waste. It rained almost the entire time I was off and I barely had any opportunity to execute any of the decorations I had in mind.

My only success was the front lawn graveyard which I managed to erect during a narrow window when the rain stopped for a few hours on Friday. But thanks to the Wife's substantial contribution to the number of 'gravestones' and some creative lighting effects I managed to pull off at the last minute, it ended up looking pretty good.

Unfortunately, the neighborhood only got to enjoy it for two days. But at least it was up for the trick-or-treaters, the few of them that went out in the 50 degree rain, anyway.

The Halloween party later that night was more of a success, but I'll tell you about that next time.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"If you have not chosen a Halloween costume by now, that means you are that much closer to being that guy at the party trying to pass off your shower cap and bath robe as a costume. That is not a costume. That is unemployment. " -Stephen Colbert

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"There are reports that a movie is in the works based on the game Monopoly. They say the movie will be just like the game because it's four hours long and it ends with your family fighting." -Jimmy Fallon

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"People around the world think America is the coolest country. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an explosion to walk away from while I put on sunglasses in slow motion." -Jimmy Kimmel

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My father and I belong to the religion of Sikhism. We both wear the traditional turban and often encounter strange comments and questions. Once, in a restaurant, a child stared with amazement at my father. She finally got the courage to ask, "Are you a genie?"

Her mother, caught off guard, turned red in the face and apologized for the remark. But my dad took no offense and decided to humor the child.

He replied, "Why, yes I am. I can grant you three wishes."

The child's mother blurted out, "Really?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
We all fail sometimes. But there's something about failing with style. Here are some of the best test paper blunders from the most clueless - and inventive - of students.

* Classical Studies *
Question: Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin

* Biology *
Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie

* Classical Studies *
Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar's death?
Answer: Suspicious ones

* Biology *
Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease
Answer: Early death

* Biology *
Question: What is a plasmid?
Answer: A high definition television

* Religious Studies *
Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony

* Physics *
Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels.
Answer: Fire

* Geography *
Question: What does the term "lava" mean?
Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar

* Geography *
Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria

* Geography *
Question: Name one famous Greek landmark
Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse

* History *
Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.