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Friday, December 19, 2014Good morning crew,
This weekend is my last chance to shop, clean and decorate. Since I have hardly done any shopping, cleaning and decorating it should be a pretty busy weekend, but hopefully I will still be able to sneak in 16 or 18 hours of television, gaming, drinking and recreating.
Everything can't be work, work, work.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.comP.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
GopherArchives***"A man was recently admitted to the hospital for surgery after doctors discovered he still had surgical scissors in his stomach from a procedure performed 12 years ago. Said his new doctor, 'The surgery was a success. Now where are my keys?'" -Seth Meyers
***"The Dalai Lama said there should be no more Dalai Lamas after his death. That's particularly bad news for his son, Steve Lama." -Conan O'Brien
***"Here's what we know about Santa. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. I think he's with the NSA." -Dave Letterman
***KEYS TO SUCCESS: Voice Mail Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want you to DO work for THEM.
That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during the lunch hour. That way, you're regarded as hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you.
The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*Since I had been selling water beds for almost four years, I thought I had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked me, "Can you deliver it filled with water?"
Stunned, I replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!"
After a short pause, she said, "Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?"