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Clean Laffs - Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night.
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Friday, September 16, 2016
Good morning crew,
It is going to be a full moon tonight (and a Harvest Moon if you care about that kind of thing). That means I need to paint a pentagram on my chest and handcuff myself to a radiator.
That doesn't have anything to do with it being a full moon, it just breaks up the monotony of a Friday night.
Laugh it up,
Who can name the movie this line comes from, "Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright."
"A spokesman for the Royal Family says that Prince William and Kate Middleton's upcoming family trip to Canada will be a 'largely casual' and 'highly outdoors' event. Then normal people said, 'So...camping. You're going camping.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"Here in California over the weekend, a woman gave birth in a Barnes & Noble bookstore. Apparently she did this in the New Releases section." -Conan O'Brien
"A new study suggests that 'starchiness' should be added as a new taste to the five basic tastes that humans can detect. One researcher's wife said, 'Next time you can just say you didn't like it.'" -Seth Meyers
The Wolf Man comes home one evening from a long day at the office. "How was work today, dear?" his wife asks.
"Honey, please! I don't want to talk about work right now!" he shouts.
"Okay. Would you like me to fix you something to eat? Or how about a drink?" she asks oh so nicely.
"Listen," he shouts again, "I'm not hungry, I'm not thirsty! Is that alright with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? huh?"
At that very moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage. Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?"
The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars."
"I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?"
"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear."
"Well, you can't be disappointed with that!"
"Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars."
"Incredible... so how come you look so glum?"
"Well, this week...nothing!"
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