Monday, July 4, 2011

Good morning crew,

Today is Independence Day and that means we have the day off. We're still mailing though, as you can see, but hopefully you're out enjoying yourself somewhere right now. You can read this tomorrow!

Today I am doing the same thing I do with the family every year. The big party at Cousin Kaz's house during which we will burn an effigy of King George. It's a lot of fun.

Then on Friday I have a wedding to attend. It's going to be a busy week.

If there are any exciting adventures I'll fill you in on the details tomorrow.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!


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"Experts say that because of higher gas prices, fewer families will travel this weekend. That's a shame. I can't imagine growing up without an 18-hour ride through the desert with my father who's too cheap to turn the air conditioning on." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Apparently, a pipe with marijuana in it was found buried in Shakespeare's garden. If they dig up Shakespeare and he's buried in a tie-dye shirt with a pint of Chunky Monkey, we'll know it's true." -Craig Ferguson

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"Health experts are now concerned that this bad economy may be causing Americans to gain weight. They call it recession pounds. You put on recession pounds during economic hardship. So guys, if your wife or girlfriend says, 'Do these pants make me look like we're in a recession?' be careful what you say." --Jay Leno

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The summer after college graduation, I was living at home, fishing in the daytime, spending nights with my friends�-generally just hanging out. One afternoon my grandfather, who never went to college, stopped by.

Concerned with how I was spending my time, he asked about my future plans. I told him I was in no hurry to tie myself down to a career.

"Well," he replied, "you better start thinking about it. You'll be thirty before you know it."

"But I'm closer to twenty than to thirty," I protested. "I won't be thirty for eight more years."

"I see," he said, smiling. "And when will you be twenty again?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly.

Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. It read, "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub."