Monday, April 7, 2014

Good morning crew,

If you're anything like me you probably have about a thousand emails to go through on Monday morning. So I'm going to let you get straight to the laughs so you'll have time to delete all of the free mortgage quote offers, prescription drug ads and other email flotsam and jetsam.

But don't miss your laughs!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"I don't go out with my single friends anymore, because I never have any fun. Go to a club, a guy comes over, says, 'Can I buy you a drink?' 'No, oh no, she's married.' Yeah, I'm married, but I'm thirsty. Why don't you shut up and let me have a free drink?" -Wanda Sykes-Hall

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"I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth - just to see if all of those girls were telling me the truth." -Ronnie Shakes

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With all this talk of adding Puerto Rico as the 51st state, I feel like our new goal number should be 53 states. A prime number. "One nation, indivisible..."

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Four-year-old Johnny was eating a hot dog when he dropped it on the floor. He quickly picked it up and was about to take another bite when his mom said, "No, Johnny, you can't eat that now it has germs."

Johnny pondered the thought a moment and replied, "Jesus, germs, and Santa Claus - that's all I ever hear and I haven't seen one of them yet!"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A young city boy visiting a dude ranch wanted to be appear macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.

As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried to begin a conversation, "Say, isn't that fine-looking bunch of cows over there."

The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' it's 'herd.'"

"Heard what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Sure, I've heard of cows!" finished the city boy excitedly, "there's a big bunch of 'em right over there."