Friday, June 5, 2015

Good morning crew,

I was out having a drink with a friend last night and complaining about how my back still hurts after dismantling an entire garage last weekend with a crowbar and a hammer.

He said, "If it hurts so bad why don't you go see a doctor?"

"I did," I replied. "He prescribed lots of ice."

"Just ice? That's all?"

"Well, ice and scotch, yeah."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"During a speech in Iowa this weekend, Bernie Sanders criticized the billionaire class and said they 'can't have it all.' Billionaires would have responded but they were busy this weekend literally having it all." -Jimmy Fallon

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"Yesterday New Jersey got four inches of rain. In Newark there were fish in the street. Some people came out to catch them and eat them. Officials had to issue a warning not to eat the fish. If you have to be reminded not to eat fish that washed up on the street in Newark, I think we'd be OK without you." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"In Michigan, the world's oldest person recently turned 116. When the president called to congratulate her, she said, 'Tell McKinley I'm busy.'" -Conan O'Brien

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My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like.

The way he tells it, the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do."

Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers.

In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."