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Clean Laffs - D-Day
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Monday, September 19, 2016
Good morning crew,
Well, tomorrow is the big day. D-Day. Ok, maybe that's not the best designation for our arrival in Europe.
This weekend was a frenzy of last minute preparations. I had six months to get ready and Sunday afternoon I was running around buying new underwear and roll-on deodorant so I don't have to smuggle an aerosol can on the plane.
Plus, the wife had me scrubbing toilets and washing floors. I have one of my nieces staying at the house while we're away to walk the dog, water the plants and shoot burglars, and she didn't want the poor girl to have to deal with hard water stains in the toilet bowls.
That, along with normal chores like laundry and mowing the lawn made for an exhausting weekend.
Just what I need to relax is three or four hours crawling through a crowded airport and then being packed like a sardine in an inescapable aluminum tube to be shot through the atmosphere for 9 pleasant hours.
I can't wait.
But worry not, I have prepared some issues of Clean Laffs in advance so you won't be without my sunny, optimistic disposition over the next two weeks.
Hopefully I will have some exciting stories for you next month.
Wish me luck!
Laugh it up,
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"Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober." -Conan O'Brien
"According to a recent survey, 15 percent of Americans have admitted to cooking in the nude. Unfortunately, most of them work at Chipotle." -Seth Meyers
"The post office just can't get its act together. They announced today they want to raise the price of stamps so they can make an extra $2 billion. That is still better than their original plan - uninvent the Internet." -Jimmy Fallon
Two small county judges both got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state Supreme Court for a visiting judge, each agreed to hear the other's case.
The first judge took the bench while the second stood at the defendant's table, and admitted his guilt. The sentencing judge immediately suspended both the fine and costs.
They switched places. The second judge admitted that he was speeding, too. Thereupon the first judge immediately fined him $250 and ordered him to pay court costs.
The second judge was furious. "I suspended your fine and costs, but you threw the book at me!" he fumed. The first judge looked at him and replied, "This is the second such case we've had in here today. Someone has to get tough about all this speeding!"
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh weather combined give me very dry skin.
One night as I prepared for bed, I rubbed my hands with petroleum jelly and covered them with an old pair of white gloves. As I sat in bed reading a book with my gloves on, my husband finished showering and came into the room wearing a towel.
Drying himself off, he went to the closet, selected a tie and put it on. "What are you doing?" I asked.
"Well" he replied, "if you are going to be formal. So am I."
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