Monday, August 8, 2011Good morning crew,
I hope everybody had a fun and exciting weekend. We're finally getting some ideal summer weather here in the Chicago area. We have had moderate rain, so everything is nice and green and the temperatures have been under 90, so it is not torture to spend time outside.
Saturday afternoon Steve, the editor of our Groaner joke list, hosted a little backyard cookout at his house and made the mistake of inviting me and the girlfriend.
I always like to bring a little something when I go to a party, and since it was a cookout I bought a couple dozen chicken wings, which I thought would be a nice change of pace from the typical hotdog and hamburger routine.
The thing with chicken is it tends to burn on a high heat grill before it is cooked all the way through. My solution is to throw it in the oven at 375 degrees for 30 minutes or so, then when you put it on the grill it is already mostly cooked and all that needs to be done it crisp it up a bit.
So we were lounging in the backyard when the chicken wings were finally ready to come out of the oven and go on the grill. Steve's wife got up to get them, and for an instant I thought to myself that I should probably get up and take care of it, but she had already disappeared through the door and I didn't want to go rushing in there pushing her out of the way and acting like I owned the place. I mean, it's just a pan full of chicken wings.
Thirty seconds later she comes walking back outside with the pan full of chicken wings, but for some she had some trouble keeping the pan level. Or maybe she just didn't realize that underneath the aluminum foil there was a pool of boiling hot, melted chicken fat.
Just as I turned around I saw her tip the pan and pour about two cups of 375 degree chicken fat right on her bare foot. She screamed and threw the whole pan of wings into the air. Steve leaped up out of his chair and screamed, "My wife!"
I leaped up and screamed, "My wings!"
And my girlfriend leaped up and screamed, "Grab me another beer while you're up!"
Fortunately, crisis was averted all around. The burn amounted to little more than a slight reddening of the skin on her foot. Because they were wrapped in foil none of the wings fell out when they hit the ground, and the girlfriend got a fresh, cold beer before she managed to finish her last one.
And the wings were delicious.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.comP.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!
***"'Graphic novel' is a term used by geeks who don't want you to know they still read comic books." -Craig Ferguson
***"The debt deal calls for the formation of a 'super Congress' to take on tougher decisions down the road. In case you're wondering, a super Congress consists of six congressmen from each party, plus Wolverine." -Conan O'Brien
***"You can no longer eat plants and berries from Central Park. I know what you're thinking: 'Now where do we go for dinner?'" -David Letterman
***One afternoon, while touring the Canyonlands of southern Utah, my husband and I pulled into the only hotel in a small town. While signing the register, we asked the young woman behind the desk if our room was air-conditioned.
When she shook her head no, we hesitated, wondering if we should push on to the next town. Sensing our doubt, she brightened as she came up with a solution. "Just turn on the heater," she suggested. "Our customers tell us all that comes out is cold air anyway."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..."
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord."