Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Good morning crew,

So apparently a bride and groom are expected to provide "favors" for their guests at the reception. Favors...as in gifts. Like a meal and an open bar aren't enough.

Things are starting to get last minute so I have been racking my brain to come up with an idea that is both clever and that I can afford, considering I have to buy well over a hundred units of whatever it is.

I have been cruising web pages that specialize in these kinds of things and the variety is a little over whelming. I could get little pen knives. Nothing says wedded bliss like an edged weapon. I also thought about pint glasses, which would be nice because I could get them personalized, like; "Clean Laffs Joe & The Wife - June 2012", but laser etching gets really expensive, and I don't think functional alcoholism is the message I want my wedding remembered for.

Maybe I'll just suggest that everybody pocket some silverware from the reception hall. That's what I've always done at wedding receptions.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"It's the 85th Anniversary of Lindbergh's solo transatlantic flight. Coincidentally, it's the last time an American was greeted warmly in France." -David Letterman

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"A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by then." -Jimmy Fallon

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"NASA says the odds that the asteroids will hit us are slim. They are somewhere between Victoria Beckham and the thinner of the Olsen twins." -Jimmy Kimmel

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An elderly patient paid me a wonderful compliment. "You're beautiful," she said. I must have looked skeptical because she was quick to assure me that she was sincere. "It's just that I rarely hear flattering comments about my looks," I explained.

She smiled understandingly. "That's because you're fat. But it doesn't mean you aren't pretty."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway.

"You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."