Monday, April 23, 2012

Good morning crew,

I hope everybody had a good weekend. Mine was as successful as might be expected of a trip to the casino. The concert started at 7:30, so we got there several hours early to make sure we had enough time to stimulate the local economy.

Since I didn't have enough money to play table games I followed the girlfriend around the slot machines. This was where I got a real education in the difference between conservative and aggressive gambling.

She sat down at one machine and fed a fifty into it, and I sat down at the one next to her and did the same thing. At one point or another I hit a small jackpot that shot my total up to 60 or 70 bucks, at which point I "cashed out" and the machine gave me a little receipt with my winning total on it.

The GF won a small jackpot too, but in an attempt to roll it up to something really big she kept playing until she lost the whole thing.

So we got up and wandered to another group of machines where we both pulled out fifties and did exactly the same thing. As soon as I won ten bucks I cashed out but the girlfriend gambled her fifty down to zero.

A half hour and two more machines later and she was down two hundred bucks and I was up about sixty. So I did the smart thing and loaned her another fifty. You can guess where that went.

On the plus side the beers were only $5 each so that only cost about fifty bucks for the two of us.

The concert was pretty impressive. If you have never heard Trans-Siberian Orchestra think of classical music, Mozart and Beethoven, played like rock-and-roll with electric guitars and synthesizers, a laser light show and pyrotechnics.

We were so close to the stage the amplifiers practically vibrated me out of my seat. In my opinion that might be the best way to listen to Beethoven.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Health experts have named Mississippi the fattest state in the Union. The state bird of Mississippi? The fried chicken." -Jay Leno

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"This week in New Zealand, a man who lost his wedding ring in the ocean found it in the water over a year later. The man says the most amazing thing about the story is that his wife fell for it." -Conan O'Brien

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"Philadelphia has a new plan to ticket pedestrians who text without looking up while they walk. As opposed to the previous punishment: lamp posts." -Jimmy Fallon

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The tourist in London climbed into a cab and noticed by the license that his cab driver's name was "Winston Churchill." Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see your name is Winston Churchill."

The driver simply said, "Yep. That's my moniker."

The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter said, "That's a pretty famous name."

The driver responded with: "As well it should be too. I've been driving a cab here for over thirty years."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those clipboards attached to the foot of the bed? Here are some incredible comments taken from hospital charts:

"The patient refused autopsy."

"The patient has no previous history of suicides."

"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

"She is numb from her toes down."

"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

"Discharge status: Alive but without my permission."