Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Good morning crew,

Erin, who writes a couple of our publications and does some other mysterious stuff around the office, had a baby a couple of months ago. Today she brought the little bundle into the office, and predictably every other woman in the place went nuts.

They swarmed around her for a half hour passing the baby around like a football while the phones rang unanswered (so if you tried to place a phone order for one of our products in between 9:30 and around 10 this morning and nobody answered...please call back).

Well, it is a beautiful baby, so congratulations to Erin, but this habit of passing around a seven-week-old baby like a platter of carved turkey on Thanksgiving seems a little reckless to me. Don't new-borns have basically a non-existent immune system? And I noticed not one of those drooling, make-up covered and perfume-soaked women washed their hands before putting their hands and lips all over that newly-minted, fragile spark of life.

They even tried handing it to me, but I politely declined. I don't want to suddenly get a sneezing attack the second I pick up a baby, and if babies really are contagious (like I learned in fifth grade) I don't want to become a carrier.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"This week a man wearing a Batman costume was pulled over while driving a Lamborghini. I think the real story here is that a grown man who owns a Batman costume can actually afford a Lamborghini." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashers than drunk people. Then again, it's easier to see what is coming when you're driving at 11 miles an hour." -Conan O'Brien

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"Today Lindsay Lohan's judge switched her from formal probation to informal probation for her shoplifting arrest. Informal probation is similar to formal probation but you can wear flip-flops." -Jimmy Kimmel

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An anthropologist shows off his priceless trove of treasure to his saintly grandmother. "What's that?" she asks, pointing to an oddly shaped item.

"Uh..." stammers the anthropologist, "it's a phallic symbol."

"Oh," says his grandmother, nodding her head. "That's good, 'cause I hate to tell you what it looks like."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
On my 40th birthday I waltzed out of my bedroom dressed in an old outfit I dug out of the back of the closet.

"I wore this on my 30th birthday! I guess that means my wardrobe is ten years old," I said to my husband, hoping he'd take the hint and buy me some clothes as a present.

"Or," he offered instead, "it means when you were 30 you had the body of a 40-year-old."