Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Good morning crew,

I apologize for the slight "misunderstanding" in the last couple of issues regarding my success in Las Vegas. However, I would like to thank everyone who wrote in with their congratulations and well wishes.

It has been wonderful and heartwarming to read so many lovely notes over the last couple of days. It almost makes me want to go back to Las Vegas and try again.

I was especially surprised to hear from someone who wrote to tell me they have been reading Clean Laffs since 1999, which is when I first started writing it. Now that is dedication and don't think I don't appreciate it.

If I could I would give you a long, cuddly hug and a big sloppy kiss, Larry.

I will make sure to tell you about a few of the Las Vegas adventures in the next couple of issues.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!

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"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it." -Sam Levenson

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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later." -Mitch Hedberg

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"You need to be careful when writing comments," our principal told the faculty. He held a report card for a Susan Crabbe. A colleague had written, "Susan is beginning to come out of her shell."

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There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone came to the farm and asked the farmer, "What do you use to feed your pigs?"

"Well, I give them acorn, corn, vegetable scraps and things like that. Why?"

"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes." Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered, "Well, I feed them very well. I give them fish, whole grains, hot corn mash and as much fresh fruit and vegetables as I can get my hands on. Why?"

"Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat." And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked the same question.

The hesitant farmer answered after a minute of careful thought: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever it is they want."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.