Friday, May 13, 2016
Good morning crew,
Payday today. Tonight I think I'll take the wife to see the New Captain America movie. Usually she's not into that kind of thing, but I think she has a crush on Bobby Downey Jr.
I should rent her 'Back to School' with Rodney Dangerfield. That would cure her of that little obsession.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.com
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"A company will make a life-size 3D printed model of yourself that you can send to your mom for $30,000. It's a great way of telling your mom I'd rather spend $30,000 than visit you in person." -Jimmy Fallon
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"A new study suggests that a chemical released when a person is hungry can lead to poor decision-making. It's what Taco Bell calls 'our entire business model.'" -Seth Meyers
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"Netflix is testing a new feature that will allow you to hide what you've been watching. You just click the button and it says, I want to stay married." -Conan O'Brien
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So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for:
There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
"Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company."
"Would you spell that, please?"
"Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. and Y as in you."
"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."