Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Good morning crew,

This is my luck. Last week (when I still had some money) I spent 20 bucks on four $5 instant lottery tickets. The odds of winning anything, including the break-even prizes (that is you get your five bucks back), is 1 in 4.

I didn't win on a single ticket.

And because I have a third-grader's understanding of math I invested $5 in an office pool to buy tickets for this week's $425 million Powerball jackpot. Odds of winning 1 in 175 million.

So I don't think I'm going to make my fortune with lottery tickets. I guess I'm going to have to rely on being a wildly successful Internet writer. I have only been doing this for twelve years and already I'm up to hundreds of loyal readers. So it can't be long now.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button... 'Like' Deal of the Day Here

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"Beaches in Italy are now training dogs to become lifeguards. That should work as long as someone throws a tennis ball at you while you're drowning." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A lot of accidents are caused by bikers who don't have a feel for the road, like the dentists and accountants that take Harleys out on the weekend." -Craig Ferguson

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"A new version of the Bible is being published that is gender-neutral. For instance, the books of 'Mark, Luke, and John' are now the books of 'Kris, Jean, and Terry.'" --Conan O'Brien

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When my husband pointed out my tendency to retell the same stories over and over, I reminded him that he was just as guilty.

"Allow me to clarify," he said in response. "I review. You repeat."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.

With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers."

"It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained."