Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Good morning crew,

What a fun, relaxing 4th of July we had. It was a gorgeous day, mid-eighties and sunny, and Cousin Kaz and his wife orchestrated yet another memorable party on their lake-backed estate.

The ice cold drinks were in abundance and Kaz got to show off his huge, new, commercial-grade, six burner gas grill. And he needed it with the surfeit of comestibles that were prepared. There were hamburgers, cheeseburgers, Italian sausages, smoked sausages, hotdogs and pork tenderloin ka-bobs. Not to mention boggling array of side dishes, salads, vegetable trays and condiments.

And in a recent but much praised tradition, my brother Nino once again brought his deep fryer and fried up not one, but two entire turkeys.

Perhaps it was a bit optimistic to describe everything as a surfeit, because as the food started coming off the grill the crowd began to swarm around the buffet tables, their appetites whetted by several early games of sweaty volleyball.

And crowd it was. With my nephew's wedding this Friday there was more family in town than usual. The line for the buffet table stretched halfway across the lawn.

I, however, know better than to wait in a line around my own family. Having positioned myself strategically between the beer cooler and the grill I was able to intercept the occasional sausage or pork-ka-bob as they came off the grill. A couple of which I even shared with the poor girlfriend who is still a little too shy around the family to take shortcuts.

By the end of the afternoon there wasn't a hamburger left and both turkeys were stripped to the bones. And that is always a sign of a successful party.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!

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"North Korea has shut down all of its universities for 10 months so students can work in factories. Or, as they call it in North Korea, 'spring break.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"We're celebrating our independence from the British. I hope that in a couple years, we'll be able to celebrate our independence from the Chinese." -David Letterman

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"They've found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you're eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns." -Craig Ferguson

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A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.

"Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.

"Yes, that was it!"

"You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!"

"Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some clown named Martin Luther."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My brother Scott brought over a photo album of his camping trip. One picture showed a brown bear helping itself to his food. "What kind of bear is that?" I asked.

"It's called a Kodiak," Scott replied.

"Oh, yeah?" my husband Keith shot back. "And I suppose those white ones in the Arctic are called Polaroids."