Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Good morning crew,

So Hawaii was exhausting. This was a dream vacation for the wife and she was determined to utilize every minute (and every dollar).

Our first island was Maui and almost immediately upon arrival she cornered the hotel concierge and began planning excursions. Our first was bicycling down the volcano.

Like everyone knows, the Hawaiian islands were formed by volcanoes. The big one on Maui is called Haleakala. As far as volcanoes go it is not particularly steep, and there is a well-paved road that goes all the way to the top.

So we discovered that there are tour companies that will drive you up to the top of the volcano (well, almost the top), give you a bicycle and let you ride down.

Sounds perfectly safe.

The tour the wife wanted to do was the sunrise tour which kicked the day off with an hour-long viewing of the sun cresting the horizon at the very top of Mt. Haleakala.

There are two things to consider here. First...sunrise comes at about five in the morning, and second...Haleakala tops out at about 10,000 feet. The temperature up there at 4:30 in the morning was 30 degrees with a consistent 25-30 mph wind.

So the day before found us in the unusual position of shopping for sweaters and long pants in Hawaii in June, not that it did us any good. The wind was like a knife and the windbreakers the tour company loaned us hardly seemed to help at all.

That, combined with a weak constitution from getting up at 1:30 in the morning to catch the tour bus made for a less than enthusiastic viewing of the sunrise. I would have been more inspired by the glory of the sun bisecting the orange-tinted ocean of clouds and the star-studded, blackness of the night sky if I could have felt my face or extremities.

And it was a crystal clear night, too. Venus and Mars stood out like two beacons in all that starry fastness. I have never seen a night sky so bright and clear.

But that was just the beginning of the fun.

After getting back on the bus and driving down to about 7,000 feet, we were all given a bicycle and a helmet and sent shooting down an 18-mile stretch of murderous switchbacks.

It didn't seem that steep, but every time I took my hand off of the brake I immediately accelerated to where I thought I was going to shoot completely off the next turn.

So for about 90 minutes I had a death-grip on that hand brake. But after the first few miles I don't think driving off the road would have been fatal. The volcano spreads out into a gentle slope that eventually merges with the huge basin that forms most of Maui. And the views were dramatic and fantastic. That is when I could drag my eyes away from searching for oncoming traffic around those hairpin turns!

And that wasn't the first time we put our lives at risk for a few expensive thrills, but I'll tell you more of those stores later in the week.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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***
"Chicago has changed a lot since the last time we were here. I'm having a hard time calling the Sears Tower the Willis Tower. It just feels wrong. It's like calling the Olive Garden an Italian restaurant." -Conan O'Brien

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"Denmark is charging a fat food tax on cheese, meat, and oil. Here, we call that the Denny's Grand Slam breakfast." -Jay Leno

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"A TSA screener in Kansas City is facing criticism for giving a pat-down to an 8-month-old baby. You don't pat down a baby! You stick him in a tray and run him through the X-ray machine." -Jimmy Fallon

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Our six-year-old daughter, Terra, has a need to ask questions...lots of questions. Finally, one day, my wife had it.

"Have you ever heard that curiosity killed the cat?" my wife asked.

"No," replied Terra.

"Well, there was a cat, and he was very inquisitive. And one day, he looked into a big hole, fell in, and died!"

Wide-eyed, Terra whispered: "What was in the hole?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A job applicant was asked, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"

"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality--sometimes I have a little trouble telling what's real from what's not."

"Okay," said the interviewer. "And what are your strengths?"

"I'm Batman."