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Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Good morning crew,

My plans for the afternoon include going to the taekwondo school, then hitting the health club for a half hour, and maybe I wrap my night up with a little laundry.

You wouldn't think this kind of stuff is exciting, and it isn't, but not every day can be an adventure.

Nights like this I try to distract myself with a beer to two, but the last time I brought a cooler into the weightroom at the health club I got yelled at.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A federal court just ruled that sharing your Netflix password is now a federal crime. So if you've been looking for a way to send your parents to prison, here's your chance." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"A South Carolina elementary school's lunch program has added a food truck that serves the kids buffalo wings, tacos, and mac-and-cheese. It's all in keeping with the school's motto: 'It's Never Too Early To Give Up.'" -Conan O'Brien

***

"China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that's only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that's not going to happen." -Seth Meyers

***

While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with one of their planes and needed the Coast Guard to send an aircraft to find it.

I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last been spotted so we would know where to search.

"I can't tell you," the Navy man said. "That's classified."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A young college girl came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."