Monday, April 1, 2013Good morning crew,
Well, I am back from Las Vegas and, as you might have noticed, back in the office. It seems there was a slight miscalculation with my big "jackpot".
It wasn't 2 million dollars like I originally thought, but 2 million CREDITS. As it turned out it was a penny slot machine, and the 2 million credits came out to $20,000.
Which is still a lot of money. Of course, at that amount the casino has to report it as income. And they don't just give you a big, giant wad of rolled-up bills. It has to be processed and registered, which comes with automatic fees, penalties and deductions.
Then they take out your federal tax, out-of-state income tax, gaming tax, entertainment tax, luxury tax and finally Nevada Gaming Commission and State Gaming Control Board fees.
When everything was said and done they gave me about $600, most of which I loaned to the wife who was having bad luck on the slot machines.
But they did upgrade our hotel room to a suite. That was nice.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.comP.S.
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***A bar in NYC is installing a breathalyzer. If your drunk, it advises you not to drive. If you're really, really drunk, it advises you not to call your old girlfriend.
***"This is the kind of thing that would bum out any young guy. I just found out my father lost his hair--in a slap fight." --Vernon Chatman
***"According to a Cosmo poll, 13 percent of all men admit they have tried on a bra. The sad part, 43 percent of American men actually need one." --Jay Leno
***Pauly walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?"
Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!"
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!"
Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text;
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
He replied, "I am in the bathroom. Please advise."