Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Good morning crew,

Boy, am I looking forward to the big July 4th party this year. Last year it was 99 degrees and stifling, the year before that it was raining, but this year the weather is going to be ideal and I am planning an indulgence of epic proportions.

The only problem is that I have to be back in the office Friday morning, but with a little foresight and discretion I should be able to avoid doing any actual, real work for most of the day.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist," said my husband's grandfather. Pointing at his full-figured wife, he boasted, "Now look how much I got. That's what I call an investment!"

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My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really...She was attacked by a giant crab.

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I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.

Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.

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While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband's help.

"The word is eight letters long and starts with 'm', and the clue is 'tiresome sameness.'"

"Monogamy," he answered.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart. As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, "You're in great shape. You must work out a lot."

Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank you so much!"

The next day a different young woman was driving the cart. "Watch this," I whispered. I walked up to her and said, "Wow, you must work out a lot."

"Yeah," she replied flatly. "You should try it."