Monday, November 5, 2012

Good morning crew,

Let me save you a lot of pain and discomfort in case you ever suffer from temporary insanity like I did this weekend. The wife and I were having a few drinks with my brother Nino and his wife at their house Saturday night. After the atmosphere was thawed by several frosty mugs from his built-in beer tap, Nino gave me a conspiratorial wink and pulled a mysterious bottle from his customizable liquor rack (what can I say, the man is a bon vivant).

He poured me a prodigal dram and I gave the amber liquid an exploratory sniff. I was immediately startled by the potent aroma.

"What is this stuff?" I asked.

Nino told me it was a special, 98 proof scotch, and by way of demonstration he lit the brimming glass with a lighter and laughed diabolically when the stuff erupted with a gently flickering blue flame.

We stared at the hypnotic image while Nino told us how he bought the bottle from a wandering gypsy or something, I wasn't really paying attention because an idea had suddenly gripped my mind. With a show of daring and bravado I would shoot the burning liquid in a single gulp, simultaneously extinguishing the flame and earning the respect and adoration of my impressed audience.

Unfortunately it didn't quite happen that way. As it hit my mouth the flame burned my upper lip, which should have been obvious, but the really surprising part was how hot the fire got the booze itself, because I also burned my tongue rather badly.

So I did not get respect, adoration or even sympathy. What I did get was plenty of laughs while I bent over the sink and ran my tongue under a cold tap! I'm just glad I shaved my beard last week, or that would have been quite a show.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress." --Ransom K. Ferm

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"The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be." -Paul Valery

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"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened." -Douglas Adams

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Our cat, Figaro, comes home between 10 or 11 at night to eat. If he's late, I turn on the carport light and call him until he appears.

One day my daughter was explaining to a friend where we live, and her friend said, "Is that anywhere near the house where the woman stands on her steps late at night and sings opera?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A small boy stunned his parents after church one Sunday when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes, and quarters.

Finally his mother asked the obvious question: "Where did you get all that money?"

"At Sunday school," the boy replied enthusiastically. "They got bowls of it!"