Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Good morning crew,

I have a moral question for you. See if you can assess the following news clip objectively:

A man walked into a Circle-K convenience store in Louisiana, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled out a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man grabbed the cash and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter in his haste. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Eighteen dollars.

Now here's the question: If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed? Please break up into small groups and discuss.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Today the Pentagon announced they are going to spend millions shooting clouds with super-lasers to create more precipitation. Lasers that control the weather are hard to explain. Basically they hit the cloud and create nitric acid particles that bind water molecules to create condensation nuclei. I hope that clears it up for you." -Craig Ferguson

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"Today is Earth Day. At least according to the guy who saw me throw a banana peel in the blue trash can." -Seth Meyers

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"They're auctioning off stuff from the Titanic. There's a menu of what was being served in the dining room the night the 'Titanic' sank. And listen to this, the salad they were featuring: iceberg lettuce. True story." -Dave Letterman

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Ten Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House:

1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair... but only if you are working alone.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one.

6. Keep it simple: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on" switch; or just paint over it.

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have fixed it.

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.

9. If something looks level, it is level.

10. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A young man confided to his mother that he had proposed to his girlfriend and they were going to get married.

"Whatsa dis?" screamed Mother. "Who's a-gonna love you like a Momma? Who's a gonna starch-a you socks? Who's a gonna make-a you lasagna?"

"Please, Mom, calm down," pleaded the son. "Why are you talking like that? We aren't even Italian!"