Friday, January 16, 2015

Good morning crew,

I have an appointment with my optometrist today and I am not looking forward to it. Not that I am expecting a bad experience, but I am a bit apprehensive about what he is going to find.

For the last 25 years I have had the exact same prescription. I got a little near-sighted during those formative years when a boy's body goes through certain changes, but by high school my eyes stabilized and haven't changed since.

But recently I have found myself squinting at things, and I am afraid it is an indication of more changes to come as I approach the age where kids in their 20s start calling me mister.

So I am hoping that it is just my imagination, or bad lighting, or paranoia, because if my body really is starting to change again for the worse I am going to have to change optometrists and find one who will lie to me.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Fifteen states across the country have gas prices that have dipped below $2. That means it's now cheaper to buy a gallon of liquefied dinosaurs than one cup of coffee at Starbucks." -Jimmy Fallon

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"Nike announced that this year it will sell self-lacing tennis shoes. By the way, if you're too lazy to lace up your tennis shoes you're really going to hate tennis." -Conan O'Brien

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"Yesterday was New York's 14th annual no-pants subway ride. Of course, if you want to see a bunch of people riding the subway without pants, today works too." -Seth Meyers

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A man driving in Southern Indiana, heading for Kentucky, saw a sign that read:

"LAST CHANCE FOR $1.55 GAS!!!"

He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank cheap.

As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "So, how much IS gas in Kentucky?"

The man replied, "A buck and a quarter."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world, we can see why American have not adopted it:

A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.
Put your best .3 of a meter forward.
Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.
Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.
Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he'll take 1.6 kilometers.
Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.