Monday, June 15, 2015

Good morning crew,

It turns out I got lucky with the weather this weekend. Unfortunately, the poor wife was a bit sick so she couldn't go, but old Mason and I spent a very enjoyable afternoon at the Second Annual Lombard Craft Ale Fest. It was a warm but tolerable 88 or 89 degrees, and the street where all of the beer tents were located had enough trees to provide comfortable shade while we wandered from one tent to another, sampling pale ales, lagers, ciders and shandys out of the little, 3-ounce sampling glasses we were issued.

There were only 48 brewers present, but even at only 3 ounces per sample we barely got through 15 different beers. That's not even 4 full mugs, but a lot of these craft beers have an alcohol content of 5, 6 or even 7 percent, so 4 full beers is a lot. Plus, like with a lot of beer that is brewed in some guy's garage, many of them just weren't that good.

So, even with almost an hour of the fest still left we decided to quit standing around on the street drinking craft beer to go back to Mason's house and drink bottled beer.

That's where we got lucky, because barely an hour after we got back to Mason's house the clouds rolled in and it started raining. So my prediction of last week came true; I did end up standing in some guy's garage, drinking beer while it rained outside.

As for tonight, I am going to watch the wife take the first part of her promotion test to become a 3rd degree taekwondo black belt. It is a two-day test. The first day, tonight, will be the physical torture, or as it is euphemistically called; stamina testing.

Afterward I promised I would take her out for a drink, because she has been abstemious for ten days in preparation for tonight.

Hmmm...she was sick all weekend, then tonight she has to go through 2 or 3 hours of hard, physical hazing, and then afterward alcohol. This should be entertaining.

I'll let you know next time if she throws up or passes out.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new study claims that women tend to let handsome men off the hook for things more easily, which is why I'm constantly apologizing." -Seth Meyers

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"Pizza Hut announced it will be unveiling a pizza whose crust is stuffed with hot dogs. There's no better proof that our country is back than they're jamming hot dogs into the crust of pizza. That's a sign that we, as a country, cannot be defeated." -Conan O'Brien

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"Apple has just announced that from now on, all new iPhones and iPads will require a six-digit passcode. You hear that, hackers? Now instead of typing '1,2,3,4' to hack into my iPhone, you're going to have to type '1,2,3,4,5,6.'" -James Corden

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ENGLISH for TOURISTS

Cocktail lounge, Norway: "LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."

On an Athi River highway: "TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."

In a City restaurant: "OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

Hotel, Japan: "YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."

Taken from a menu, Poland: "SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION."

Supermarket, Hong Kong: "FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE."

From the "Soviet Weekly": "THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS."

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO MOSCOW, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT."

A laundry in Rome: "LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.

One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"

"Two days ago."

"Hm. Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer."

"What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?"

"At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty."

"No, I mean what's he taking in college?"

"He's taking every penny I make."

"Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?"

"He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."

"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"

"Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him!"