Monday, September 14, 2015

Good morning crew,

The wife's poor little mutt got sick over the weekend. The poor little thing. I was wakened Saturday morning by the pitiful sounds of itty, bitty retching in the bedroom. Peeking over the edge of the bed I saw the little wretch, trembling on the floor and looking up at me before arching her back bringing up a lump of sticky, brown goo right on the carpet.

She was so miserable. She vomited several times during the morning and was barely willing to move, which was convenient for me, as she was easy to scoop up and hustle onto the kitchen tile every time I heard those tiny, little dry heaves.

But the sickness itself was a bit of a mystery. The only deviation from her usual routine were the beef and garlic Italian meatballs in tomato sauce the wife was feeding her Friday night. But other than that, her routine has been completely normal. So we're still trying to figure out what could have gotten the dog sick.

Other than spending half the day cleaning up dog vomit I did have a bit of good luck this weekend.

I was returning a few items to the home improvement store when I decided to take a quick stroll through their lawn and garden section, and what do you think I found but almost the exact same ceramic outdoor fireplace I have been looking for! And it was the only one they had, too.

As a little added bonus, the items I was returning to the store paid for the fireplace and then some, so I didn't even have to pay out of pocket.

It's nice when little bits of luck come together like that.

Now I'm all ready for fall.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The U.S. Surgeon General released a statement this week that said more Americans should start going on walks. Then to everyone's surprise, he added, 'Even if you're just going out to have a smoke. Just stand up for once.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"There was another big announcement from Apple today--a number of exciting new products for you to lose in a cab on the way to the airport." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"A skydiver uploaded a video of himself yesterday jumping out of a plane and solving a Rubik's cube during free fall. And to prove that he actually solved it, the funeral was open casket." -Seth Meyers

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My cousin, a perpetual bachelor, owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing businesses in Miami, a furniture store. I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to visit a manufacturer and check out the merchandise himself. And maybe he could meet an available young Italian women.

As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and he only spoke English--neither understood a word the other spoke. So he took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded. So they went to dinner.

After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

He was dumbfounded. To this day he says that he's never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?"

Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs."