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Monday, September 12, 2016

Good morning crew,

So the wedding Saturday night turned out to be pretty fun. Nobody got too out of control, the bar was open, the good was good, and I even walked around the dance floor a few times.

The only snag in the evening was that this was the first time my wife has spent any significant time with my co-workers and she got an earful about some of my less creditable office habits, like telling amusing anecdotes about some of the wife's more unusual quirks.

Well, amusing to me, anyway.

Hey, if you're the kind of person who spells words around pets so they won't understand what you're saying, you better have a sense of humor about it.

Laugh it up,


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"According to new research from the CDC, middle-aged parents are more likely to smoke marijuana than their teenage kids. In other words, your mom finally made weed uncool like she did to Myspace." -Jimmy Kimmel


"Apple is supposed to unveil the latest iPhone tomorrow, which will reportedly do away with the traditional headphone jack. And this is convenient, the included ear buds will come 'pre-lost.'" -Seth Meyers


"Last night they held a debate called the Commander-in-Chief Forum. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump answered questions about national security. It took place right here in New York on the aircraft carrier Intrepid. Once the two of them were on board, a lot of people were tempted to cut it loose and let it drift out to sea." -Stephen Colbert


You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, told him Vegas was that-a-way and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.

"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill."

Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"

"This is my mother."

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