Tuesday, August 23, 2011Good morning crew,
Hello Joe:
Is that hat you bought at the Ren Faire what you wear in your gopher portrait [link at the bottom of the page]?
J TNo, more's the pity. Because that is an awesome hat. Every time I look at that picture I wish I had bought that hat. But, I opted for something with more daily wear usability. And since when has a girl ever swooned over a guy because of this daily wear usability?
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.comP.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!
***"A school in New Zealand discovered that a model skeleton for an anatomy class was actually a real human skeleton. Yeah, they made the realization when they noticed they hadn't seen their anatomy teacher in about eight months." -Jimmy Fallon
***"Health experts have named Mississippi the fattest state in the Union. The state bird of Mississippi? The fried chicken." -Jay Leno
***"This week in New Zealand, a man who lost his wedding ring in the ocean found it in the water over a year later. The man says the most amazing thing about the story is that his wife fell for it." -Conan O'Brien
***[I know this is supposed to be humorous...but some of these tips make a lot of sense to me.]
Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple
* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).
* If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
* Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"
The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My ex-wife." replied the hunter.