Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Good morning crew,

Well, we didn't make it to the Oktoberfest last week. I just couldn't give the benefit of a doubt to an Oktoberfest held in the basement of a Catholic grammar school.

It wasn't so much the venue as the catering. I didn't think the local Hooters or Al's Beef would provide a very authentic wiener schnitzel.

So instead, the wife took me to an event called the 'Bark and Brew' which was a fund-raiser presented by our local chapter of P.A.W.S. (or Pets Are Wonderful Support).

While this event was not an Oktoberfest, per se, it was attended by about a dozen of the more popular micro breweries in the Chicagoland and north-west Indiana areas, so there was no dearth of good beer.

And they were generous with their samples, too. For our $30 entrance fee we were given 30 drink tickets. Granted, they were only giving out 3-ounce samples, but hardly any of the vendors seemed interested in collecting tickets.

After sipping our way through four or five samples each we had surrendered exactly 2 of our drink tickets. So, basically, it was all you can drink.

Fortunately our beer consumption was slowed down by just an excellent buffet. It was so good, in fact, that every single occupant of the banquet hall managed to get in the buffet line ahead of us. That is almost not an exaggeration. By the time we got in line we were practically at the front door of the room.

But this was not my first rodeo, or buffet, for that matter. While holding our place in line I sent the wife off to the beer tables to bring back samples. This little strategy came as something of a revelation to the rest of the line standees, and soon there was quite a bit of traffic between the buffet line and the beer tables. To tell you the truth it looked a bit like five minutes to post at the race track.

But eventually everybody got their turn at the buffet (the wife and I managed to sneak through twice) and they began with the entertainment, the highlight of which was the cash retrieving dog!

I think it was some kind of labrador, but the dog's trainer stood in the middle of the dance floor while 'Who Let the Dogs Out' played in the background, and the dog would run up to people holding out cash, snatch the money in its mouth, and then run back to the trainer and deposit the bills in a bucket.

It was massively entertaining (especially after a good number of beers), and apparently a big money-maker for P.A.W.S. I saw people holding out fivers! The wife was so smitten with the 'retriever' she lured him over to her twice with bills.

It was after the dog's second trip over to us that a light Dawned on my wife's face. "If we could teach Mini (her dog) how to do this trick can you imagine how big of a hit she would be at our next party?"

"Not to mention a money-maker," I added.

"We could actually pay for the party!"

"Not with your friends..." I muttered.

"What did you say?"

"I said, let's try it tonight!"

To the wife's credit, she did get the dog to retrieve one bill from me and drop it in a plastic bag she was holding, but that one instance was her only success. I don't think she has tried training the dog since, so funding our next get-together with dog tricks might not be a reality.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Don't forget on Sunday night, there's going to be a full lunar eclipse. So, parents, don't forget to point up at the sky and tell your children the moon is going away because they've been bad." -Stephen Colbert

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"Justin Bieber says he has three or four albums he hasn't released yet. Bieber says, 'You have until midnight to meet my demands.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"A Beverly Hills podiatrist makes his living by giving women the 'Cinderella Procedure,' a surgery that alters the shape of feet so they can fit into designer shoes more comfortably. One day, God willing, technology will advance to where it's easier to alter the shape of a shoe than a human foot." -Seth Meyers

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When a music student brought his French horn to my shop for repair, he complained that the instrument "felt stuffy" and he couldn't blow air through it. It's not unusual to find partial blockages in brass instruments if small items get lodged in the tubing, but when I tested the instrument, the horn was completely blocked. After much probing and prodding, a small tangerine dropped out of the bell.

"Oh," said the musician when I handed him the fruit. Seeing the bewildered look on my face, he explained, "My mom used the horn for a cornucopia in a Thanksgiving centerpiece."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I tried to explain to a client why I couldn't help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn't know.

"Let's say you're asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I'm fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don't understand Chinese, I'm not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?"

He said he did and thanked me.

The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, "Why is So-and-So asking us if we're fluent in Chinese?"