Double The Life of Fruits & Veggies & Keep Your Fridge Cleaner!
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Monday, April 19, 2010
Good morning crew,
32 man hours. An 8-hour day for four people. That's what it
took to paint my condo on Saturday. And that doesn't even
include the four or five hours of prep work I put in myself.
To give you an idea of the monotony of the job, I would say
at least five of those eight hours involved painting corners
and a border along the floor and ceiling. The place is
nothing but corners!
And the stupid 18-foot ceilings (not to mention the stairs)
just made everything that much more difficult. How do you
get to the top of an 18-foot wall when there is a staircase
running along it? Where do you lean the ladder?
Old Mason and I solved that thorny little dilemma with a
paradoxical combination of genius and stupidity. Using two
ladders to create a makeshift scaffold above the stairs we
used the kitchen table to create a platform on the scaffold
(I'm not kidding) and stood another ladder on top of that.
It was like a Three Stooges short. Of course, only one of
us was stupid enough to climb on top of the contraption and
actually do the painting and I'll give you a hint: it wasn't
me.
Actually, we played "Rock, Paper, Scissors" to see who would
climb up and who would hold the contraption to keep it from
collapsing, and old Mason lost.
But, tragedy was averted and the job got done, barely. It
was taking so long I thought everyone was going to walk out
before we were finished. And it was a close thing, too. By
five o'clock there was more beer drinking going on than
painting.
But now that it's done I can turn my back on that nightmare
forever. I only hope whoever buys the place after me likes
the color, because if he or she wants to paint it they are
in for a rude awakening!
Laugh it up,
Joe
mailto:joe@gophercentral.com
P.S. We now have a Forum. You can post comments on this and
recent issues at... http://cleanlaffs.gophercentral.com
***
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"President Obama is launching a new $6 billion space policy
that will ultimately take astronauts to Mars. Of course,
it's $6 billion and $45 if the astronauts have a carry-on."
-Jimmy Fallon
***
"Scientists are saying that eating pecans every day may
decrease your cholesterol. So in case they're right, I
wrap all of my pecans in bacon." -Craig Ferguson
***
"According to a new study, children who are spanked are
twice as likely as those that aren't spanked to get into
fights and destroy things ? which is probably why they
get spanked in the first place." -Jimmy Kimmel
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Differences between men and women
1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and
Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and
Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each
throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of
them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit
they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but
it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom
is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these
items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new
argument.
6.CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men
kick cats.
7. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get
the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
8. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
9. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
10. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and
she does.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
A group of foreign dignitaries are visiting Israel. At the
end of the tour, they are taken to see the Tomb of the
Unknown Soldier. They look at the tomb and read the following
inscription: ABRAHAM SCHWARTZ BORN 5694 DIED 5733 A GOOD MAN
AND A GREAT FURRIER.
The visitors are incredulous. They ask the guide, "How can
this be an unknown soldier if the grave has his name?"
Their host responds, "Sure, as a soldier he was unknown, but
as a furrier -- he was the best!"
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