Friday, October 31, 2014

Good morning crew,

This will be a first for me. I have spent my entire adult life living in apartments, which means I have never, ever had a trick-or-treater. But now I have a house, and in a neighborhood with lots of little kids, no less.

I have to admit I am a little excited about it. Earlier this week I put up some lights and decorations, and I stocked up on all sorts of treats for the kiddies, like little boxes of raisins and popcorn balls, and if those run out I have a bag of nickels to distribute.

That should keep the little hellions happy.

All I have to do is stay relatively sober tonight.

So while I am home enjoying my first real Halloween since I was 10, I have copied for you the horror movie trivia I prepared for the Halloween party last weekend. Let's see if you can do any better than the dullards at the party who failed to identify even one of the quotes below.

Happy Halloween,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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***
"I've been listening to the distress signal, and I think I made a mistake in the translation. I thought it said "liberate mae" - "save me." But it's not "mae." It's "liberate tutamae" - "save yourself." And it gets worse.

I think that says, "liberate tuta-mae ex inferis." "Save yourself... from hell."

***
"It is no laughing matter! We have a right to be proud! What devil or witch was ever so great as Atilla, whose blood flows in these veins? Blood...Is too precious a thing in these times. The war-like days are over. The victories of my great race are but a tale to be told. I am the last of my kind."

***
"We are Explorers in the further regions of experience. Demons to some, angels to others."

***
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

"Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank."

"Well, ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye."

***
While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.

When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.

"I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit perfectly around his neck."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
"I've been listening to the distress signal..."

Event Horizon (1997)

"It is no laughing matter! We have a right to be proud!"

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

"We are Explorers in the further regions of experience."

Hellraiser (1987)