Monday, October 12, 2015

Good morning crew,

At the last minute I decided to take the day off. I was so busy this summer that I barely had any time to take any vacation days, and I have to use them or I'll lose them.

So while I really don't have any plans I figure I can do something constructive with my time, as long as it doesn't involve me getting out of my bathrobe.

There are a couple little projects around the house that I think I can tackle while following the '10 Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House' that I have reprinted for you below.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Today, NASA announced that it has finally discovered water on Mars. When they heard, Americans were like, 'Eh, tell us when they discover beer.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"Executives from Hasbro have announced that the Transformers movie franchise will get four more films in the next decade--unless their demands are met." -Seth Meyers

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"Some scientists now believe that Jesus Christ had a wife. They also believe that Jesus' nephew called Jesus' wife the "Auntie Christ.'" -Conan O'Brien

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10 Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House

1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair... but only if you are working alone.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one.

6. Keep it simple: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on" switch; or just paint over it.

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have fixed it.

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.

9. If something looks level, it is level.

10. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I realized that my five-year-old grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows the day we attended a relative's wedding.

As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the church, he turned to me and asked, "Is this where the groom decides which one he wants to marry?"