Classic Laff-a-Day - March 23, 2010
http://laffaday.gophercentral.com
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
I read an interesting article the other day which listed
seven symptoms a person will display if he or she is not
getting enough sex.
Unlike food, water and sleep, sex isn't a biological
necessity, but it's still pretty important. And if you
haven't gotten any in a while, it can have some seriously
negative effects on your mind and body.
Such as:
?Excessive nervousness
?Migraine headaches and long periods of unjustified anxiety
?Permanent stress
?Lack of appetite
?Insomnia
?Contradictory feelings about certain people
?And frequent sexual fantasies, especially at night
Now, I don't know who wrote this, but I have almost all
of these symptoms constantly (except maybe for lack of
appetite), and I get laid regularly. So either this guy
is a complete quack, or I am some sort of insatiable,
sexual freak.
Freakily,
TZ
mailto:tz@gophercentral.com
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"Once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes
to think little of robbing; and from robbing, he comes next
to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility
and procrastination." --Thomas De Quincey
[And eventually to masturbation...I'm sure.]
A lady from California purchased a piece of timberland in
Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points
in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so
she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top,
she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the
ground and got many splinters in her vagina. In considerable
pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.
He listened to her story then told her to go into the ex-
amining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat
and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?"
The unperturbed doctor replied, "Well, I had to get permits
from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service,
and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-
growth timber from a recreational area."
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-Friedrich Nietzsche
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I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments
you have raised, the administration rejects your request for
the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen
visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your
shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such
as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have
completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly
entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-
looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here...
http://laffaday.gophercentral.com
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