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Tush-eez Seat Cushion
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May 26, 2010
BROTHER'S SECRET DAUGHTER DESERVES TO BE REVEALED
DEAR ABBY: I am in shock. My brother, "Paul," invited me to
lunch yesterday and introduced me to an 18-year-old girl,
"Amy," whom he says is his daughter from a woman other than
his wife. Naturally, she was full of questions about me and
the rest of the family.
I don't know why Paul chose to reveal Amy's existence to me
-- and only me -- but I told my brother he needs to share
his "secret" with all concerned. I don't think it's fair for
Amy to be deprived of meeting her father's side of the family.
I also don't want anyone to get hurt, but Amy has been hurt
enough by this secret. I am uncomfortable that my brother
has included me in this conspiracy, and I'm not sure how to
handle this. Any ideas?
-- IN THE MIDDLE IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: On some level your brother may want the
truth to come out, because when a secret is shared it's no
longer a secret. So tell your brother that you refuse to be
his co-conspirator, and that you feel his keeping Amy iso-
lated from the family is unfair to her. Then give him a
deadline to come clean, with the understanding that if he
doesn't, you will.
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DEAR ABBY: Now that I have found a job after a few months
of unemployment, my boyfriend and I are tying the knot. I
work in a very small office and would like to invite every-
one to bring a date to the reception. My dilemma? I suspect
that two of the men in the office are involved with each
other, and I'm not close enough to anyone else to inquire.
I have no problem with their sexual orientation, but I don't
want to put my foot in my mouth by inviting them as a couple.
What would you think of posting an invitation (postcards
and e-vites) to all employees and their dates? I ordinarily
wouldn't, but being a little "gauche" seems better than
being downright rude. I suspect the men downplay their rela-
tionship, and I don't want to invade their privacy. Abby,
what would you do?
-- BRIDE WITH A DILEMMA
DEAR BRIDE: I would handle it by inviting each of my co-
workers, stating "and guest" on the invitation, and asking
for an RSVP. Then, whomever they choose to bring is up to
them, and all I'd need to know is how many guests to expect
at the reception.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Luke" for about three months.
He's a sweet and thoughtful guy who cares about me, and I
care for him as well.
My problem is I have never been the kind of person who likes
to be touched. It makes me feel tense and uneasy. Luke likes
to touch me constantly -- stroking my cheek, rubbing the
back of my neck, or kissing my cheeks and forehead.
It isn't that I don't like hugs or kisses, but too much
drives me crazy. How do I explain this to Luke without
hurting his feelings?
-- ENOUGH IN THE SOUTHWEST
DEAR ENOUGH: A good start would be to say to him exactly what
you have communicated to me. And when you do, tell him to
please not take your feelings as personal rejection. Differ-
ent people have different needs for closeness and affection.
Because the constant touching makes you uncomfortable, you
and Luke must reach a compromise that's acceptable to both
of you -- or you're not the girl for him.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money
order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is in-
cluded in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.