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Jan. 8, 2009
BOYS DREAD TWO MORE YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL HARASSMENT
DEAR ABBY: I am a short, 5-foot-5-inch high school sophomore.
I am small-boned and my voice is high-pitched. I'm terrible
at sports, and physical education class is a nightmare. I
have become friends with another guy, "Rick," who is much
like me, and it helps to have someone who has similar prob-
lems.
Because Rick and I hang out together, some of the macho guys
have started a rumor that we're gay, and now everyone in the
school thinks it's true. Our PE teacher has even made com-
ments to this effect, which compounds the problem.
Rick and I are shunned and have even been physically attacked
because of this. We are not gay. We are just good friends who
share common problems. We are interested in girls, but they
aren't interested in us. When I try to say I'm not gay, they
say, "Then who is your girlfriend?" When I tell them I don't
have one, they laugh at me.
Rick and I are both "A" students. We keep telling ourselves
that we will succeed where some of the macho guys who are
obvious losers will not, and we'll have the last laugh. How-
ever, this is still a terrible situation for us, and we can't
stand the thought of another two years like this. Please help.
-- SOPHOMORE IN SACRAMENTO
DEAR SOPHOMORE: If you and your friend haven't already told
your parents what's going on, do so immediately. Then you and
your parents should pay a visit to the school principal to
report that you have been attacked by other students and
misidentified as gay not only by your peers, but also by a
member of the staff.
It appears that both staff and student body in your school
need to be educated about the fact that discrimination,
assault and hate crimes are illegal. And if the harassment
is not stopped immediately, your families should take this
matter to a lawyer.
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DEAR ABBY: My 38-year-old married daughter's house is filthy.
Her youngest is now in the hospital with pneumonia, and her
two other kids are sick all the time. They are constantly
coughing, have runny noses, fever and ear infections. I have
tried talking to her regarding her housekeeping but she
doesn't want to hear anything I have to say.
Her husband has convinced her that they have "more important
things to be concerned with" than a clean house. He says they
have love, and a clean house doesn't matter. The oldest girl
is 11, and she tells me she's embarrassed to have anyone
visit her. She has no friends (nor does my daughter) and I
am afraid her life will go down along with my daughter's. Can
you help me to help them?
-- GRANDMA IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR GRANDMA: My first suggestion is to hire someone to clean
your daughter's house once a month, if that's doable. The
second is to discuss your very real concerns with the doctor
who is treating your grandchild for pneumonia. While your
son-in-law may think that a house filled with love doesn't
have to be clean, if it's so dirty it is hazardous to the
health of the children who live there, he is seriously mis-
taken.
DEAR ABBY: I have an etiquette question my friends and I are
wondering about. What is an appropriate response when you
find out someone is expecting but she doesn't want to be?
"Congratulations" doesn't seem right, but neither does, "You
have my sympathy." I feel lost when this situation comes up.
Do you have any ideas?
-- MELISSA IN KANSAS
DEAR MELISSA: How about, "I heard the news. If there is any-
thing you need, please let me know."
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most
frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-
sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for
$6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box
447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the
price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.