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Jan. 19, 2009

BOYFRIEND'S BEDSIDE MANNER GIVES WOMAN LITTLE COMFORT

DEAR ABBY: I rent my own apartment and my family lives an
hour's drive away. My boyfriend of one year, "Mac," lives
about 10 minutes from me and spends the night a few times a
week and vice-versa.

I got the flu last month and it developed into bronchitis.
I was so sick I could barely drag myself out of bed. I asked
Mac to come over and take care of me and he said, "No, I
don't want to get sick. I'll come by when you're better."

Abby, if someone cares about you, don't you think he should
help out -- maybe make some soup, give you water at your
bedside and just be there in general? If Mac got sick like
that, I would go over and take care of him. But he wasn't
willing to do the same. He said he doesn't feel it is "his
job."

I am upset by this. Is it an indication of how he would be
if we got married?
-- IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

DEAR IN SICKNESS: Yup. It appears Mac isn't the nurturing
kind. However, if he has everything else you're looking for
in a man, this needn't be a deal breaker. Instead of expec-
ting him to intuit what you need, try telling him what you
want. Example: "Send some soup over." "Please empty the
trash." "Call an ambulance." You get the idea. If that
doesn't do the trick, then scratch Mac.

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AMAZING REUNION BETWEEN LION & HUMAN - As Seen on The View
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DEAR ABBY: One of my bosses insists on using his speaker-
phone for conversations -- business and personal -- with
his office door wide open. He speaks loudly, and both sides
of the conversation can be clearly heard throughout the
office. He also walks through the hallways with his cell on
speakerphone.

Everyone who works here finds his behavior annoying and boor-
ish. No one says anything, and he doesn't get the message
when a chorus of doors slam shut each time he begins one of
these calls or walks by with his cell phone blasting. Any
ideas on how to address this issue?
-- UNWILLING THIRD PARTY IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR UNWILLING: Is no one, including your boss's assistant,
close enough to him to tell him that his loud phone conver-
sations are distracting his employees and colleagues and
offer to shut his door for him so he can have privacy? Most
employers would prefer their workers and colleagues operate
at maximum capacity, particularly in this economy.


DEAR ABBY: Please settle a dispute between my wife and me.
One of her co-workers, "Cassie," is eight months pregnant
and also overweight. My wife saw her and said, "Wow, you've
gotten as big as a house!"

Cassie told her she was hurt by the comment. In my wife's
opinion, what she said is not uncommon when said to a preg-
nant woman and she thinks Cassie was overly sensitive. I
believe the comment was inappropriate. What do you think?
-- NEEDS A MEDIATOR, GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR NEEDS A MEDIATOR: I agree with you. No one -- pregnant
or not -- wants to be told she resembles an orca, and your
wife should have kept her observation to herself.



To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money
order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is
included in the price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.