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Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Here is ample proof that you shouldn't believe everything you
read! UCLA scientists say that Web search activity may help
stimulate and possibly improve brain function!
The study, the first of its kind to assess the impact of
Internet searching on brain performance, is currently in
press at the American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry and
will appear in an upcoming issue.
"The study results are encouraging, that emerging computerized
technologies may have physiological effects and potential
benefits for middle-aged and older adults," said principal
investigator Dr. Gary Small. "Internet searching engages com-
plicated brain activity, which may help exercise and improve
brain function."
Small noted that pursuing activities that keep the mind
engaged may help preserve brain health and cognitive ability.
Traditionally, these include games such as crossword puzzles,
but with the advent of technology, scientists are beginning
to assess the influence of computer use ? including the
Internet.
Study participants performed Web searches and book-reading
tasks while undergoing functional magnetic resonance imaging.
All study participants showed significant brain activity
during the book-reading task, while the Web-savvy group also
registered activity in the frontal, temporal and cingulate
areas of the brain, which control decision-making and complex
reasoning.
So by this logic, the more web use a person engages in the
sharper he or she becomes. However, we all know that no matter
how much porn a person surfs most Internet users are a bunch
of single-minded pin heads!
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
http://bizarrenews.gophercentral.com
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+--------------- Bizarre Political Insults ----------------+
"He makes George Bush seem like a personality"
- Jackie Mason on John Major.
"He is a sheep in sheep's clothing"
- Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee.
"Winston, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your
coffee." "Nancy, if I were your husband, I would drink it."
- A conversation between Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill.
"He could not see a belt without hitting below it."
- Margot Asquith on David Lloyd George.
"Richard Nixon impeached himself. He gave us Gerald Ford as
his revenge."
- U.S. politician Bella Abzug on Tricky Dickie.
"Nixon's motto was, 'If two wrongs don't make a right, try
three."
- U.S. writer Norman Cousins.
"Gerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at
the same time."
- former U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson.
"I wouldn't say she is open-minded on the Middle East, so
much as empty-headed. She probably thinks Sinai is the
plural of sinus."
- Jonathan Aitken on Margaret Hatcher.
"A shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Harold Wilson on Edward Heath.
***
-------- Robbery suspect arrested with bra on face --------
DAYTON, Ohio - Police in Ohio said a man suspected of armed
robbery with three others wore a black bra to disguise his
face during the crime. Dayton Police said an officer heard
a gunshot while patrolling late Sunday and followed the
sound to a man who said a group of men robbed him of $10
at gunpoint, WHIO-TV, Dayton, reported. Investigators
tracked down the getaway car used in the crime and four
men fled the vehicle on foot. Officers said they apprehend-
ed Ryan Neal,19, Keanthony Strickland,19, and Gabriel
Williams,18. The fourth suspect evaded capture. Police
said all four were wearing black masks and officers
discovered a mask worn by one of the arrested suspects,
who were held in connection with the robbery, was a bra
wrapped around his head.
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--------- Driver gets 15 citations in 11 minutes ----------
ST. GALLEN, Switzerland - Swiss police said an Italian man
set a record for traffic violations in their country by
racking up 15 moving violations in the space of 11 minutes.
Police in St. Gallen said the 47-year-old's spree of road
violations began when he drove past police while speeding
100 mph in a 60 mph zone during the weekend, the Daily
Mail reported. Officers said the ensuing offenses include
driving too close to other cars, driving too close to the
curb, weaving across the white dividing line, failing to
stop for police sirens, barreling through red lights,
speeding through a construction zone and driving on a hard
shoulder of a roadway. The driver was finally stopped at
a roadblock and issued additional violations including
driving under the influence of drugs, failing to drive
with due care and attention and using a mobile telephone
at the wheel. "This character will be getting his driving
license back around the time Haley's Comet makes its next
appearance," a St. Gallen police spokesman said.
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-------- Vanity plate leads to $19,000 in tickets ---------
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. - Authorities in Alabama said a man
mistakenly received more than $19,000 in parking tickets
because of his vanity license plate, which reads "XXXXXXX."
Scottie Roberson, 38, of Huntsville, Ala., said he began
receiving the tickets from police in Birmingham, Ala.,
where he has only been once in the past five years, about
a year ago and the number of citations reached as high as
10 in a single day, the Birmingham News reported Monday.
Roberson said the seven X's license plate is a reference
to his old nickname, "Racer X." However, Birmingham city
officials said the license plate has a second meaning on
paper, as parking patrol cars use seven X's in the place
of a license number for cars parked illegally without
plates. City spokeswoman April Odom said officials are
working to dismiss the fines and correct the system to
prevent Roberson from receiving anymore mistaken tickets.
"Maybe we need to go with nine X's, or maybe we just need
to leave that part blank altogether," Birmingham Traffic
Engineer Gregory Dawkins said.
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Your newsletter used to be the highlight of my day (and
yes, I understand exactly how sad that is) but they stopped
showing up several years ago. I think it was 2005 the last
time Bizarre News brightened my inbox. I'd completely
forgotten about it till it all of a sudden started showing
up again last week. Glad to have ya back! -Bama
[I guess even the worst cloud has some kind of a silver
lining.]
The funny thing about tinfoil hats is, a study done demon-
strated the blocked all sorts of frequencies, but magnified
one: The one used by the Gov. So, 1 of 3 things is going
on. 1) The Gov has been lying for years to get us to wear
tinfoil hats. 2) The Gov funded the study to make people
take off their tinfoil hats. 3) The Gov's not using mind
control, so none of this matters anyway.
"It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside
to pretend to have sex with a buffalo." So is it legal if
they have sex with a buffalo for real? --Chris
[Yes, but you have to provide the buffalo.]
Lewis, you may be making fun of this, but my wife has what
is called Multiple Chemical Sensitivities ? it's a very real
situation. Like sugar to a diabetic, or wheat to someone
with a gluten sensitivity, these chemicals that don't affect
most of us can and do make her very ill. So, please apologize
for your thoughtless comments about this. --Bruce
[Actually, I'm planning an issue of Bizarre News making fun
of diabetics next month.]
My "first" Bizarre news letter, I usually skip threw news
letters but. read this top to bottom even the ad. you must
be doing something right. --Lucille
[I wish I heard comments like this from my wife occasionally.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com