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Bizarre News - With friends like this who needs enemas
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Bizarre News - October 1, 2016
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Enemas have been around for centuries, as have hazing and alcohol, but leave it to the innovative members of University of Tennessee's Phi Kappa Alpha fraternity to combine them all.
Now enemas have been around for a long time. In fact, they are still popular in certain circles for their therapeutic properties. Popular enema "recipes" include coffee, chamomile or green teas or even a dilution of lemon juice. Who am I to say what a person should or shouldn't squirt up his or her backside?
However, alcohol is a different matter altogether since whatever is in the enema is absorbed straight into the bloodstream through the colon while bypassing the liver's filters.
This important little datum was learned the hard way by 20-year-old Alexander Broughton who was admitted to UT Medical Center unconscious and unresponsive. He had a blood alcohol content level greater than 0.4, which is considered toxic and potentially deadly. Legal intoxication is 0.08.
Investigators determined the incident happened at Phi Kappa Alpha's house on campus where they found several other people, including three men, still passed out the next morning.
Investigators are working to determine if Broughton was assaulted or made the decision to engage in the behavior himself. UT suspended the Phi Kappa Alpha chapter for 30 days or until a decision is made about the chapter's future.
The one thing the story didn't specify is what kind of alcohol was used for the enema. That really makes me wonder. What do you think would make a good enema? Beer? Wine? Almost certainly not hard liquor, although with a BAC of 0.4 I wouldn't rule it out. I think personally I would go with a nice, sparkling wine.
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*-- Angry deer attempts to enter SUV after being hit by driver --*
HOWELL, N.J. - A New Jersey woman fended off an attack from an angry deer seeking revenge after she hit the animal with her car. Howell police Patrolman Nicholas Austin captured dash cam footage of the encounter between driver Ellen Sager and the angry deer who crossed the road and attempted to enter her vehicle, according to New Jersey.com. "It was mad, real mad," Sager said. "It happened so fast. I just grabbed a handful of antlers and tried to keep it from killing me." The deer managed to pry Sager's door open, ultimately forcing her to kick the wounded animal down to the ground, according to PIX11. Sager suffered a minor knee injury from the scuffle and police said the deer eventually died due to injuries sustained from the crash.
*-- Seattle man asks police to help find briefcase full of cocaine --*
SEATTLE - A man in Seattle, Wash., was arrested after attempting to claim a misplaced briefcase filled with cocaine. According to the Seattle police department blotter, a man brought the briefcase to officer Doug Jorgenson saying another man left the briefcase behind after walking his dog. Jorgenson opened the briefcase in hopes of identifying the owner and found four large bags and 27 smaller ones filled with cocaine. In addition, the briefcase contained a scale, 50 diazepam pills, and a small amount of marijuana as well as a 19-year-old man's ID card and cellphone. The 19-year-old later approached officers outside of a Seattle Seahawks game inquiring about the missing briefcase. "It contained some important work paperwork and he really needed it back," he said, according to officers. Police said the man was later arrested for possession of narcotics with intent to distribute.
*-- READER COMMENTS --*
About the poor sap that rode a bus from Arizona to Wisconsin only proves as I have said-most women are satanic. --Ken S.
The devil you say...
Lewis, With the two cutting stories in the same newsletter are you trying to keep us in stitches? (See what I did there? "Stitches" about people being cut or stabbed. Geez, I should take this stuff on the road.) --Tim
You should take it on the road. Start packing and get a train ticket out of town.
*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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