Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

In the movie "The Burning Bed" Farrah Fawcett's husband repeatedly beats and psychologically abuses her, so she waits until he passes out drunk and then sets fire to their bed.

In this story the part of Farrah Fawcett is played by 43-year-old Connecticut woman Jill Defusco, and the catalyst is an argument over a pizza...but the rest of the story is very similar.

Police arrested Defusco for setting a fire in the bedroom while her husband was sleeping.

The husband told police that he went to bed after getting into an argument with his wife over pizza and woke up to find his side of the bed on fire. He jumped up, put the fire out and called police.

Police said Jill lit a greeting card on fire, which then ignited a pair of shorts. Mrs. Defusco told police she set an anniversary card on fire and said it was "symbolic" of their marriage after her husband threw jelly beans at her.

Now it all makes sense. What kind of a sick bastard orders jelly beans on a pizza?

Bizarrely,
Lewis

Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- 'Batman' rappelled down building for marriage proposal --*
CAMBRIDGE, England - A British Batman rappelled down the side of a building, fought a group of pretend criminals and used the recovered diamond ring to propose to his girlfriend. Ross Chilcott, 29, rappelled down the side of a building in the Markey Square area of Cambridge, England, tussled with a group of actors portraying the parts of criminals and took a diamond ring from one of the faux-crooks before dropping to one knee at the feet of his girlfriend, Amber Clarke, 28, cambridge-news.co.uk reported Monday. "I'm so surprised. I had no idea at all. I can't believe it," Clarke said. Clarke was lured to the right area by friend Hayley Woodroffe, 27, who was in on Chilcott's plot. "I thought it was amazing, especially since she had no idea. When we were walking up to the Guildhall she actually said, 'This is something that Ross would do,'" Woodroffe said. Chilcott said he got permission for the stunt from Cambridge City Council six weeks ago. "I just knew she would say yes," he said. "I wanted to do it on her birthday, which was June 5, but I couldn't find the right venue. She loves seeing me embarrassing myself and she likes Batman so I knew she'd love it."


*-- Police: Thieves shoved hygiene products into underpants --*
LAKE WORTH, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said two men allegedly stole hygiene products from a Family Dollar store by stuffing the goods into their underpants. The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office said Nicolas Williams, 24, and Vincent Wilder, 34, were arrested after employees at the Lake Worth store saw them allegedly stuff personal hygiene products into their underpants and attempt to leave the shop without paying, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported Tuesday. Deputies said Williams had used electrical tape to fasten his underpants to his legs and keep the stolen products from falling down the legs of his pants. Wilder did not use tape on his legs. Williams and Wilder allegedly told police they planned to sell the $339.42 worth of hygiene products they took from the store.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Lewis: I've enjoyed your e-mails, but lately you seem to be descending into the gutter. There is a tremendous amount of funny stuff in life, and so it makes me wonder why your column now contains so much gutter humor: adultery, sex body excretions, fornication, etc. Why can't you keep it clean? -Regards from Joe Dsida
[This isn't Funny News, it's Bizarre News, and if there is anything more bizarre than sex (and all of the problems it causes) I haven't run across it yet. Fortunately sex is also frequently very funny!]

I read the Bizzare News every morning with my coffee, and it starts my day out right, because I am learning something new every day and they are good for a laugh. --Shirley

Lewis, I just read the story about how Colorado wants to split into two states. But I think it would be a better idea to reduce the number of states by combining many of them. North and South Carolina would be Carolina. West Virginia and Virginia would combine. New York, New Jersey and Connecticut would be one state. The list is endless with the combination of many governments and the savings would be in the billions of dollars. -Richard
[Seeing as how bureaucracy is the biggest money waster, and a plan like this would create so much more of it, I don't think it would work as a money-saver. Power, bureaucracy and money needs to be diffused, not concentrated. But keep thinking, that's the most important part!]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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Send comments and questions to: LEWIS