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Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

A morning rush hour crash on Highway 290 in Houston led to a bizarre stand-off between police and a naked woman dancing atop a semi truck.

The Greater Houston Traffic and Emergency Management Center reported a crash involving three vehicles on Highway 290 just before 9 a.m. and the scene took a turn for the bizarre when a woman climbed atop a stopped semi truck and disrobed.

The woman was seen on traffic cameras sitting nude atop the big rig and occasionally standing up to dance.

Traffic on both sides of the freeway came to a halt for nearly two hours while police and firefighters attempted to talk the woman down from the truck.

The woman was coaxed into a ladder truck basket about 11 a.m. and the accident was cleared by 11:30.

The woman's motive for her truck-top activities were unclear, but witness accounts indicated she and the semi truck were both involved in the crash.


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*---- Hey Honey, Check Out How Cool I Am! ----*

A man fatally shot himself while taking selfies with his girlfriend and a gun, police in Washington said. Concrete police said that the 43-year-old man died on Sunday, after shooting himself in the face in his own home. The gun went off and shot the man in the face while he and his girlfriend were taking photos of themselves. The girlfriend, who was not identified, told investigators that they loaded and unloaded the gun several times during the day. The last time however, a bullet apparently remained in the gun, and the man, who was not identified, shot himself in the face. So far, no charges have been filed as police believe that the shooting was an accident.


*------ Scuba diver Gets Sucked Into Pipe ------*

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - It sounds like the start of a bad joke, but a scuba diver in Florida is suing a utility company after he was sucked into a quarter-mile-long pipe that took him inside a nuclear power plant. Christopher Le Cun said he was scuba diving off the coast of Hutchinson Island with friend Robert Blake when the pair went down to investigate three large shadows underneath a yellow buoy. Their first mistake. "I swam right up to this big structure and it looks like a building underwater. I felt a little bit of current. All of a sudden it got a little quicker and I said, 'this ain't right, this ain't right,'" Le Cun said. Blake said Le Cun got "sucked in like a wet noodle." The diver said he was in the tube for about five minutes before he saw the light of the surface he would soon reach. "All of a sudden it looks like a match, out in the distance. When it gets a little bigger, then a little bigger. Then all of a sudden just, poof, daylight. Fish everywhere, crystal-clear water the sun is shining and I'm like, 'is this heaven?'" Le Cun said. Le Cun said he shouted for help and was assisted by a confused employee who asked how he got into the plant. Le Cun is now suing plant operator Florida Power and Light, alleging negligence for inadequate safety precautions for the mysterious black, underwater building with giant pipes sticking out of it that he swam to investigate.


*---------- READER COMMENTS ----------*

Hi Lewis, Scott Kelly is older than 25 years old, as the story about him, Space Makes You Grow, states. Perhaps it meant to say that he has been an astronaut for 25 years?
[Didn't you see the movie 'Interstellar' with the Lincoln commercial guy? Kelly obviously came back in time through a wormhole.]

given that a jet was recently brought down with an exploding wheelchair, the more innocuous a device is the more icky the screeners would feel about seizing it. Given that Glock makes some fine nonmetal pistols and the relative Inexpense of a quality 3 D printer, even a technophobe like me could probably put together a working 9mm plastic buzz light year ray gun. -Duane
[We have already featured two stories in BN about women who have secreted loaded firearms in their vaginas. Now there is a security challenge, not Buzz Lightyear toys and gun barrel stiletto heels.]

You asked whether the tortured girlfriend would wait for her boyfriend? Well, I had a case once where the girlfriend paid me to defend her boyfriend who had broken her eye socket by bashing her head against the dashboard of his car. I got the prosecutor to offer him 2 years. He told me he would "rather do 40 than kiss the prosecutor's ass" and do two. Well, we went to trial, and to no one's surprise, he lost, got 40 years, and -- she married him.
[Here I thought I was being a wiseass, but it turns out truth is once again more bizarre than my imagination.]

Damn! If waterboarding your girlfriend is illegal, guess I had better put away the whips and chains too.
[I think the salient factor here is consent. If you girlfriend does NOT want you to tie her up and whip her, she is what they call, in the legal profession, a victim.]

Lewis; Publishing the comment from the reader who thinks American police would shoot up a room full of kids popping balloons before realizing their mistake perpetuates the BLM lie that American police are morons and idiots and was irresponsible and prompts me to throw "Bizarre News" in the trash where it belongs. If you ever are in need of police protection, I suggest you call BLM for help instead and see how that works out for you. -From Wes
[I'm not sure I understand your comment. While the Bureau of Land Management certainly has their own problems, they would have nothing to do with emergency response unless I was grazing cattle on federal land, or diverting rain water, or some other heinous crime against nature. If I wanted to hand grenade a baby or shoot a 12-year-old for playing with a toy gun, that's what the police are for.]

*-------- END OF READER COMMENTS --------*

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