GopherCentral.com Powered By PulseTV.com

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Aisle 6: Kitchenwares, Pet Food, Corpses.

It is kind of a macabre testament to the capitalist spirit that a California Target remained open for hours while the body of a suicide victim lie in the housewares aisle.

Police were called to the Target where a man had walked into the store and headed to the kitchen section to select a knife. Surveillance video showed him standing in the aisle and removing the knife from its packaging.

In one of the more horrible ways to commit suicide, the man proceeded to stab himself to death in front of horrified shoppers.

Upon arrival officers located the individual with an apparent stab wounds to the torso. The man was declared dead at the scene.

It is unclear exactly how long the body lay in the aisle, but you have to assume a stockboy had to put some tape up. Maybe display one of those floor signs that say "Cuidado: Piso Mojado".

The last thing Target wants is a lawsuit from somebody slipping in a pool of blood and twisting an ankle.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Click http://gopherarchives.gophercentral.com

Questions? Comments? Email: lewis@gophercentral.com


*------------ Cookie Monster Pulls Gun ------------*

A tourist assaulting Spider-Man in New York seems tame when compared to the costumed criminal in this story. The Kent County Michigan Sheriff's Department said that a man dressed as Cookie Monster entered the Tropical Smoothie shop and pulled out a weapon. He ordered a drink, and fled from the store without paying for the item. The manager of the store immediately called the police, but the suspect managed to escape. Police recovered the weapon used in the robbery. The following day, the police managed to arrest the suspect, who was not identified.

------------------------------------------------------------

*------ Mother Hires Stripper for 8-Year-Old ------*

Police in Florida, launched an investigation after a mother hired a stripper to perform on her young son as part of his 8th birthday party. The incident was recorded on video and posted online. The video shows the boy slapping the stripper's backside and throwing dollar bills on her nearly naked body. Officers from several police departments are investigating the mother and the stripper, but so far, no arrests have been made.


------------------------------------------------------------

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

With reference to the comment about the person who took his bar exam and passed on the 1st try. Apparently many years ago people "read for the law" and, if they passed the bar, were recognized as lawyers. If memory serves, Virginia was the last or one of the last to certify lawyers who "read for the law". It is my opinion that law schools didn't like to lose the profits inherent in the 'education'. If I understand correctly all law school teaches is how to read and discuss cases, so you are "reading for the law" in a school environment. -William


Let me say right up front that I am not a fan of guns, and I don't believe everybody and their mentally retarded brother should be allowed to carry them around, but that being said, I think we're probably all better off that a guy who was stupid enough to break into a home with a sign that says, 'we don't dial 911' has been removed from the gene pool. I mean, what exactly was he expecting?
[Actually, the story did not specify that the home intruder died, just that he was taken to the hospital with multiple gunshot wounds.]


Who'da thunk that a person with a picture of a handgun in the window would own a handgun? Crazy world, huh?


You know, if that woman hadn't been home, that burglar would have just stolen her gun, then there would be another illegal gun on the streets in the hands of a criminal.

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

Top Viewed Issues